How to Put the Kids to Bed - 2 sides of the story

Actually...two sides of the story from only one person's biased perspective. Previewed and accepted by the second person (he didn't tell me NOT to post it, so that MUST mean he approves).

I was inspired by a friend yesterday, who thought I should make a blog about this...so here you go (and imagine what you have to look forward to when it is your turn)

How a Woman Puts the Kids to Bed
- Announces that it is time for child number one to get into the tub/shower.
- Remind said child that it IS in fact her turn to go first because the other child went first YESTERDAY and that this is kept on file in the Mommy brain.
- When water is running, begin table clear up from supper and start making lunches for the next day.
- Unload backpacks from school. Read notes, fill out permission forms, gather change for Hot Dog day.
- Remind child number 2 that he will be going for a shower next.
- Realize that child 1 has likely not thought to wash her hair yet, remind her.
- Remind her again.
- Finish making lunches.
- Remind her again.
- Announce to child 2 that it is time for his bath.
- Run another load of dishes to the dishwasher on way to help child 2.
- Glare at husband on couch.
- With sarcasm ask how the Leafs are doing (evil laugh).
- Help child 2 get undressed and into the tub. Wash his hair.
- Yell for child 1 to get her book and read while you wash child 2's hair.
- Brush child 1's hair.
- Get child 2 out of tub, lotion him up with medicated cream for his skin issues.
- Announce a race to see who can be the first one to get toothpaste on their brush.
- Give multi vitamins
- Supervise teeth brushing.
- Send child 2 into bedroom with his special stuffed toys...search for the special SPECIAL one.
- Argue with child 2 whose turn it is to pick a book.
- Read the book.
- Put books that are read back on the bookshelf.
- Tuck child into bed with a glass of water on the nightstand.
- Feed the fish.
- Water the plant.
- Tuck child 2 into bed again.
- Move to child 1's room. Listen to her read. Read to her.
- Warm up Child 1's flax bag.
- Get fresh glass of water.
- Turn on music.
- Say goodnight. Offer kisses and an extra silly tuck in routine.
- Shut doors and head to kitchen to fold a load of laundry.

TOTAL TIME: 2 hours and 15 minutes.
How Men Put The Children to Bed:
- Turn on Sports Net
- Sit on couch.
- Yell for Child 1 to get into the tub.
- Yell to Child 1 that you don't care whose turn it is, get into the tub!
- See glare from wife.
- Get off couch and tell child 1 to get out of tub.
- Insert child 2 into the bathing facilities.
- Watch Sports Net
- Realize that the bathroom is now full of water, decide to remove child 2.
- Chase children to bed.
- Read a book to each child.
- Toss read book onto the floor.
- Tell child 1 that her room is messy.
- Fist pump Child 1.
- First pump Child 2.
- Tuck children in.
- Close doors.
- Make popcorn.
- Find special SPECIAL stuffed toy and toss into the dark abyss of child 2's room.
- Hear wife dragging kids back out of bed to brush their teeth.
- Shrug.
- Tell wife she is amazing.
- Watch Sports Net.

TOTAL TIME: 15 minutes.