The Day I had to Explain Death to my 5 Year Old

Nothing can ever prepare you for the death of a friend, a teacher, a Mom, and a Winnipeg Bombers fan.

Nothing.

But over the last few days, my son and I are coming to terms with the harsh realities of life: the fact that we all die, and that we have no control over when or how.

I remember Subway lunches and her amazing smile. I remember the way she spoke about her sons and how she cringed when I teased her that I would send Rory to school in a Saskatchewan Rough Riders jersey for Halloween. She told me THAT would be the scariest costume she had ever seen.

And I feel so guilty that my son has his Mom to hug him goodnight. Her sons do not have their Mom anymore and I just don't understand how this is fair.

I remember her going to Vegas and teasing me about it mercilessly while I stayed behind to man her classroom. I am so glad she took that trip.

I remember her plans to make a Kindergarten blog.

I remember her support and encouragement while I was her student teacher and then playing along with my antics when I came back to be the Grade One student teacher.

I remember Rory coming home on the day he had brought her his "Hulk" gingerbread boy saying that Mrs.H had laughed a lot...but had thought it was Frankenstein.

I will miss the daily letters that she sent home with the kids about what they did at school that day... it was always the first thing I dug into Rory's or Kennedy's bag for.

I was so happy when she phoned me at home one day just because she wanted to touch base about Rory's headaches and together we made a plan for what we could do to help him if he got one in class.

Kennedy has one of the best memories: She wrote a letter to her current teacher saying that the teacher was the best. When she came back after Christmas holidays, Mrs. H had added to the whiteboard message "Hey, I thought I was the best teacher ever!" Kennedy still giggles about this.

A professor of mine told me about a book she has that I am going to share with Rory. The book states that there are many different ways celebrate life and to cope with our emotions. This blog is how I am dealing with my emotions. This is going to be a tough journey ahead but I hope that with time we will gain understanding and peace of mind. The AES and MES Kindergarten classrooms are never going to be the same. It makes me so terribly sad to think that I won't have a Kindergarten Grad pic of her and Rory like the one I have above. Thank you for your gifts and talents while you were with us K, we miss you terribly.